key principles·relearning relationships

The Limited Number of Personal Connections

2 minute read

Picture in your mind a large triangle divided into smaller triangles inside. Now imagine if each small triangle is a family, then the big triangle is the larger community all the families live within. This model allows us to see how every family is connected with all the others as part of a greater whole. It also reveals the natural limits of maintaining close and healthy relationships with 2 or 3 other families at a given moment of time.

We all have limits of relational resources and emotional capacity. If we do not acknowledge these limits and try to stay connected to everyone, we spread ourselves too thin and risk never fostering a real connection to anyone. We found the depth of connection we want with one another happens better in much smaller quantities.

If we focus on 2 or 3 families during our current season of life, we can invest much more of ourselves and give these relationships the attention they need to grow strong and nourishing roots.

“For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.”

–Matthew 18:20

Thus the heart of our community is about making room in our busy lives for these smaller gatherings with a decisively small number of people. Intentional overlap is possible and fulfilling (rather than draining) because of our focus on these small steps towards authentic community. This can take any number of infinite forms. Perhaps it’s getting a friend or two together for a drink during the week. Or maybe it’s like doing yard work with together with another family. Often times it’s something as simple as a spontaneous phone call saying, “Hey I have to make a grocery run. You want to come with?”

As we give priority the small “crumbs and bubbles” of life, as Dallas Willard would say, we are building the kind of relationships where real depth and connection can mature and flourish. The biggest growth always seems to start with the smallest of beginnings.

Thanks to Thad for originally articulating this idea. 2’s and 3’s directly lead to the “triads” that helped everyone within our community help excavate our core values.

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